Can't Have You
by xxlovely
Summary: Sometime's waiting for the right moment means waiting til its too late. ONE SHOT. smitchie/Nitchie.


So i wrote this ages ago on a joint account and i decided to post it on here now, so read and review and tell me what you think. to my readers of other fics, you will be bombarded with updates very soon. ive worked long and hard and im sure you'll love what i've got instore for you.

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**I'm dying without your love, begging to hear your voice, Tell me you love me too, **

**I'd rather just be alone, if I know that I can't have you**

Many people live by motto's. Random universally known sayings which can justify so many things in a matter of words; yet at the same time sums you up as a person. For instance: many lived by "live each day as if it was your last", meaning they lived life one day at a time, cherishing the unpredictable time they had left on earth. None of us knowing when our number will be up.

But I'm not deep enough for that. I'm a hollow shell of a person. Incomplete. Waiting for a gaping hole to be filled in my heart by the most impossible source. I let the days pass me by, as I aimlessly go about my existence. Watching them... her.

Oh, especially her.

So you want to know what my motto is? My little saying which concludes me as a person?

I 'always want what I can't have'

Always.

I had an amazing upbringing. The perfect family, the most amazing friends, so why on earth was I always craving for something so unattainable when my life seemed aesthetically perfect? I was an international music sensation for crying out loud. A third of the hottest boy band to apparently roam the planet. I was Nate freaking Grey, so surely, I had everything I could ever want and more.

And yeah, maybe if I looked from another person's perspective I would agree, but none of the fame or fortune made me happy. I hadn't been truly happy in god knows how long.

That's a lie; I do remember.

November 12th 2009.

The last day my dream was achievable. The last day that my heart held hope. The last day before he got her.

My dream girl.

The girl I had been joined to the hip with since diapers. The one person besides my brothers who knew anything and everything about me. My best friend. _His_ girlfriend

Mitchie Torres.

Her and Shane were never close as we grew up in Wyckoff, New Jersey. He was two years our senior. He had his own friends. He was Mr. Popularity. He was the social butterfly. He craved to be around people; suffocated by people who weren't even that close to him. Attention was his air supply. Parties were his water. He lived to be in the public eye.

But Mitchie only really had one friend- me. We shared the same birthday. We lived next door to one another. Whenever she came home crying after a boy had 'broken' her heart I would be the shoulder she cried on. And I didn't mind, because I hoped, prayed, believed that one day, one day she might come to her senses and realise that the perfect guy, the one who would treat her with all the respect and grace she deserved, was right in front of her.

I wanted to be that guy.

I knew I could be that guy.

As each day passed, my unrequited feelings only progressed; building up inside of me like a balloon filled to capacity with air. I was on the verge of an explosion. For my own sanity, she needed to know.

I didn't want to just be another person in one big clichéd group. I wanted to be her boyfriend; to protect her like I had so many times before but know that at the end of the day I'd be the one she'd come home to. I'd be the one to hold her; whisper sweet nothings into her ear; make her smile.

For her to be mine.

I mustered the confidence from the pit of my stomach; mentally rehearsed everything I felt, knowing to the finest detail how I wanted to declare my love for her. But when it came to bursting point, all of that flew out of the window. The only thing that was dividing us at that point was a brick wall.

My heart was pounding at a million miles per hour. My chest heaving, my stomach uneasily churning as I took my familiar route over the back fence and through her door.

I flung the door open with such force that the hinges didn't stand a chance. This was it, the defining moment where I would either ruin a 19 year friendship or where I would finally get my girl.

My legs tried to compose themselves; refrain themselves from buckling and turning to jelly as I tripped and stumbled up the flight of stairs, scrambling to her door. My hand shaking violently as it came in contact with the brass handle, as I slowly opened it.

My heart stopped.

And not by the way you think. My eyes widened as I observed the scene in front of me, my heart shattering into a million pieces within milliseconds. She was there, on her bed, with Shane in the middle of a heated make out session; garments scattered across her room left, right and centre.

They pulled away as they felt my presence. Neither of them looking guilty. Neither of them realising how I could possibly be feeling at that moment in time. They had told me it had been going on for months, that they were in love with one another, but they didn't want to tell me, because they didn't want me to get hurt.

To get hurt? Looking back on it, I would have been hurt if they had told me, but the pain I felt having to walk in on them crushed me. Sucked the life out of me. Left me with that hollow shell.

It ruined everything.

Shane and I distanced significantly.

I had discovered that my flawless friendship with Mitchie was unearthed as one massive lie.

And any chance I had of becoming happy, was shattered. By my bitterness and unwillingness to grow a pair and move on.

But even to this day, a year on, I can't help but ignore the small nagging feeling in my chest. That small almost invisible pang of hope that maybe one day, I'd hear her voice, vocalise the words that I had been wishing to hear since the tender age of 13. That she loved me to.

But until then, if ever, I'll wear that fake smile I had mastered, pull down my sleeve to cover my dysfunctional heart and put on that act where I was happy for them.

And I'd answer that repetitive question, wondering why I never ventured into a relationship, with the same answer.

I was merely waiting for my dream girl.

Because after all I'd rather just be alone, if I can't have her.

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**There you go my lovely people, this was originally posted on a joint account i had with two other FF authors but i wanted to post it on here as well! Its just a little drabble but i'd love to here what you have to say, if i get enough response i may even make it into a multi chapter.**


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